Mailbag, and a Mystery Solved

It’s been a while since we went to the mailbag, so cue another installment of one of the Popdialectic’s regular features. Before you get too comfortable with all the adoration below, however, bounce over and check out a themed mailbag by the woman who makes everything I do, worth doing. This week’s mailbag is a little light by normal standards, but I’ve deduced something about spammers that answers a longstanding question, which I’ll get to momentarily. All that said, let’s answer some mail*.

* The PD does not endorse any of the links that happen to stay listed in spam comments. Don’t go to someone’s site and then come crying to me because you caught malware from My violin is is the smallest the world has ever seen. is amazing !
legal steroids


YES! There are a number of adjectives I like to see in close proximity to the name of the site, and “amazing” is right up there. Also acceptable: witty, sexy, insightful, charming, inspirational. Mind you, none of these are common, but I’m just saying that if I’m making a list, they’re on it. What I didn’t expect? Legal steroids. So strong that it’s banned in 14 states. So strong that you shouldn’t read it without a prescription. So strong that they’re creating knock-offs in Mexico and Turkey. Wait … that last one’s already happening. In any case, Topmusclesupplements gets Vice President of the fan club if he wants it. is my top website, i love to come back here


Talk is cheap, FunFacebookGames. Drive some traffic and I’ll start believing your professions of love. Unfortunately, my experience with other Fun Facebook Games is that they start out promsing you a good time, but then monogamy isn’t enough for them. They want you to start inviting friends. They want more and more of your time. They want you to start spending all your money on them, buying trinkets, then gold and silver, and finally energy. All to build the relationship that they tell you you should have. Finally, you’re missing work and spending the rent money online and screaming at people that are barely more than imaginary … come to think of it, FunFacebookGames, I’m breaking up with you. If I could IP ban visitors, you’d be number one. Well, number two or three, anyway. What I’m saying is … don’t ever write me again.



Slow down there, tiger. I’m not going say that Crimit’s a bad guy, but everyone once in a while, I’d like to get a word in edgewise. You know those people that show up on a forum or in a chat room and just talk and talk and talk? Crimit – seriously, give someone else a chance. No one’s really paying attention to anything you say beyond, “Hi.”


We wish to thank you once more for the stunning ideas you offered Jesse when preparing her post-graduate research in addition to, most importantly, with regard to providing all the ideas in one blog post. Provided that we had been aware of your web site a year ago, we might have been rescued from the unwanted measures we were choosing. Thank you very much.

posicionamiento web

I can’t help but wonder if this comment has something to do with the book reviews I post here and there. I mean, I know they’re insightful and when I read something, I tend to really get into the grist, but … Jesse, once you get to the post-graduate level, you really ought to be doing your own book reports.

And for the record, if Jesse’s post-graduate research is in something besides literature, I don’t want to know. I’m scrolling back in my mind through all the truly horrible suggestions I’ve made in these pages over the last year and a half, and figuring that whatever ideas I “provided” could scarecely be better than whatever “unwanted measures” they could have forestalled. This note is either thanking me for someone’s plagiarism or making me party to a criminal enterprise.

I guess this graphic, in particular, I should credit: Thanks, to

I’ve not too long ago began a diary, the knowledge you present on this site has assisted us a lot. Thanks for your entire writings!


I feel compelled to reiterate that the writings on this site are copyrighted and the sole property of their author, with the except of images that I’ve blatantly stolen from elsewhere on the web and from which I also feel compelled to point out that I don’t make any money. In any case, you can’t have my entire writings. Feel free to link to me with credit, or to come back when you want a chuckle. Stop translating me into Swahili and using me as filler on junk websites.

And now for my new realization: Babelfish could possibly be one of the greatest contributors to the dumbing down of the Internet. I’ve always asked, exasperated, who are these spammers, that they’re completely unable to put together a coherent sentence? Why can’t they get someone eloquent to put their junk email together? The answer is, they probably did originally, but they have penises on seven continents to enlarge and people in need of cheap Viagra in hundreds of languages.

It’s a fact that increasing the readable content of your spam makes it more likely it will get hits and links (or actually be read, in the case of email), and elevate your search profile. So in honor of the recent July Fourth holiday, let’s take something consumately eloquent and send it through spammer’s method. It’s fine to skim everything block-quoted below, you won’t miss anything grand.

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

With all the citizens of the Internet in the United States and Great Britain suitably annoyed, now our spammer gets a Spanish or Mexican client:

Cuando en el curso de acontecimientos humanos, llega a ser necesario que una personas disolver las vendas políticas que las han conectado con otras, y las asuman entre las energías de la tierra, de la estación separada e igual a las cuales las leyes de la naturaleza y de Nature’ dios de s les da derecho, un respecto decente a las opiniones de la humanidad requiere que deben declarar las causas que las impulsan a la separación.

Taking his wildly successful continent to France, he begins to bombard people with:

Quand au cours d’événements humains, il arrivera à être nécessaire que des personnes dissoudre les bandages politiques qui les ont reliés avec d’autres, et les assument entre les énergies de la terre, de la gare séparée et égale à auxquelles les lois de la nature et de Nature’ ; dieu de s leur donne droit, un respect décent aux avis de l’humanité requiert qu’ils doivent déclarer les causes qui les propulsent à la séparation.

Online Viagra selling like wildfire, he then explores a potential new market: The Netherlands.

Wanneer aan de koers d’ menselijke gebeurtenissen, zal hij aankomen om noodzakelijk te zijn dat personen de politieke verbanden ontbinden die ze met d’ hebben verbonden; anderen, en aanvaarden ze tussen de energiebronnen van de aarde, van het afzonderlijke en gelijke station aan waaraan de wetten van de natuur en van Nature’ ; god van s hun verdeling recht, een decente naleving naar de meningen van l’ de mensheid vereist qu’ zij moeten de oorzaken verklaren die ze aan de scheiding voortstuwen.

And, with renewed enthusiasm (if spotty recordkeeping), Mr. Marketing takes his message back to the United States:

When to the rate d’ human events, he will arrive for necessary that to be persons dissolve the political links which them with d’ have linked; others, and accept them between the energy sources of the ground, of the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and by nature ‘ ; god of s their partitioning right, a decent compliance to the opinions with l’ humanity requires qu’ they must explain the causes which they propel to the separation.

And that, dear friends, is how you came to open an email that asked you to accept them between the energy sources of the ground. If I look through back issues of the mailbag, I’m pretty sure I’ve actually gotten this email.

Voila. You’re welcome.

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