There’s Something in the Pool

Alison came over yesterday and we took the kids to Splashdown Water Park. Somewhere between re-applying SPF 70 and making a lifeguard squeal when the girlchild splashed enthusiastically, we were standing around waiting for Kylie to use the bathroom. Aidan took the opportunity to flex a little metaphysical muscle. Roughly remembered:

Mancub: “Daddy, if something isn’t anything, then it’s nothing.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Mancub: “If something isn’t anything, it’s nothing.”

Me: “I guess that sounds reasonable. But if it’s something, how can it be nothing?”

Mancub: “What?”

Me: “Well, if it’s something, it can’t not be anything.”

Mancub: “It’s either something or it’s nothing.”

Me: “So if nothing isn’t anything, then it’s nothing.”

Alison: “Everything is something.”

Me: “Not everything. What about the space between things?”

Mancub: “Space is a thing. When I wave my hand like this, it’s air. It’s full of stuff like oxygen and water.”

Me: “Those are molecules. What about the space between those?”

Alison: “So that’s something, too. It’s space.”

Me: “You guys are ganging up on me. What about the vacuum of outer space?”

Alison: “You just thought about it and described it, so it’s something.”

Me: “So just giving a name to something keeps it from being nothing?”

Mancub: “Yeah.”

Me: “Why do we have a word for nothing, then?”

Alison: “To give you a headache.”

Mancub: “To give us something to talk about.”

Me: “You’re seven. I thought that was why we had Pokemon.”

Kylie [walking up]: “Daddy! I saw a butterfly!”

There wasn't actually beer involved.

I guess the upshot is that school is always in. Or that sunny days at the water park make you loopy. Or that you don’t have to go to law school to confuse me. Or that I’m not smarter than a second grader.

Or that there are other things to do when someone poops in the lazy river.

This entry was posted in Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to There’s Something in the Pool

  1. Paul says:

    Priceless. You’ve been had.

  2. Pingback: “Lazy” might not be the best descriptor. « pithypants

  3. Pingback: Infamous, and Five New Rules | The Popdialectic

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