Barbary Coast War, pt. III

I’ve seen stream-of-consciousness writing in other places, but Alison writes it with a believable voice and makes entertaining (is it any wonder that I’m crazy about her?). I’ll be blunt, I’ve been wanting to try it and today’s World Cup game with the US and Algiers found me jotting notes as the game progressed and I worked. I’m not sure whether it will become a regular thing, but it was fun today.

Oh my God, the US is going to concede another early goal. Wait, it’s only a minute into the game and we just a great shot on goal. This is going to get crazier before it gets calm.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Clint Dempsey was nothing like off sides. That’s the second time a ref has done that to us in ten minutes of play, dating back to the end of the last game.

I think I’m going to start telling people that they’re off sides when I don’t want to listen to them. I won’t have to explain myself or suffer any consequences for refusing to see reality. Pulled over for a speeding ticket? Sorry officer, you’re off-sides. I’ll be going now. What? You wanted a deliverable today that I forgot to request? That would be a problem … except you’re off-sides. I don’t care if I never ref another game.

Our defense is still really flat. Did someone forget to tell them to mark the Algerian forwards?

I wonder how many of the people liking my Facebook status (“Time to thump Algeria like it’s 1815.”) remember that that was the second Barbary Coast war. I was kind of proud of that one.

Thirty-six minutes into the game and we’ve had at least four fantastic chances. It would be just like US soccer to have the advantage in scoring opportunities and possession, but let the game go 1-0 or 2-1.

That’s pessimistic. Still, they’re going to have to prove it to me.

Landon Donovan is overrated. Way overrated. His goal against Slovenia was spectacular but the sun even shines on a dog’s ass some days.

The commentators are saying this may have been the US’s best half of the tournament so far. Did they even watch the comeback against Slovenia?

England is beating Slovenia? Damn. Double damn.

Triple damn. I’m watching this on delay so I can fast forward through halftime, then forgot to do it. Don’t go near Facebook. Don’t go near Facebook. Don’t go near Facebook.

Why do people act like it’s a race to post sport results on their wall? I think that annoys me more than all the publicity over privacy issues.

The defense should look better than this. Why can’t they just mark someone and stick?

Why do I even have a job? This game is awesome. I’d much rather be watching this.

Argh … I can’t believe how many scoring chances we’ve had. To the ball: the goal is your home! Go to your home! We need Happy Gilmore at right wing.

Seventy-two minutes in and no score. Why can’t Slovenia just equalize against England? That would put us through.

I never think of soccer as a game of inches, but that’s how far off a couple of these shots have been.

Jesus, this Algerian goalie is good.

If things hold as they are, we could go home from this tournament without ever having lost a game. How do we not advance if no one in the group can beat us?

Clint Dempsey just got smashed in the face and the refs ignored it. I’d like to demonstrate on them what just happened and see if they card me.

We’d sound like international pussies if we don’t go through and blame it on the refs.

HOLY SHIT! A beautiful goal in the second minute of stoppage time! Sorry, neighbors … I didn’t mean to be that loud about it. Screw it. Yes, I did!

I should patent the dance I just did.

My throat hurts.

Landon Donovan is not overrated. Two of the goals our opening rounds? If I could have more children, I’d do it and name them (all) after him.

Won our group for the first time in 80 years.

I LOVE THIS GAME.

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2 Responses to Barbary Coast War, pt. III

  1. Babs says:

    I had many of the exact same thoughts!

    Ditto on the FB status race.

  2. pithypants says:

    One of my friends has his Twitter account linked to Facebook, and he tweets real-time updates with the frequency of an announcer giving the play by play. When I finally logged into FB yesterday after the game, I had to go back through three screens of “older posts” to find statuses from other friends. Seriously.

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